All Real Men's Likes and Dislikes

Whenever I sign out of my hotmail account I am always brought to MSN's mainpage and there is always some ridiculous article title in the center of the page. And occaisonally I'll click on it just if it is possible for the articles to get worse. And each time I am surprised to see that yes, indeed, the human race (as represented by "journalists") have less interesting or intellegent things to say.

Today I came across this article: 5 dates no guy wants to go on. By Mark Miller.

Here is the bio that is found at the end of the article: Mark Miller has written on sitcom staffs, performed stand-up comedy in nightclubs and on TV, been a humor columnist for the Los Angeles Times Syndicate, and enjoys reading National Geographic. He can be reached at mark.writer@gmail.com. For the gal’s point of view on bad date choices, read Don’t take a woman here!

Mr. Miller's article generalizes men (and women) grossly and lumps them all into one category. Everything in " " is Mr. Miller's:

"During courtship and dating, women — being the more creative gender — will often come up with the majority of suggestions for where they’d like to go and what they’d like to do with their romantic partner. You’d think this would be a positive thing. After all, their motivation appears genuine.

“'Oh, come on, it’ll be fun!' they say to us. And yet according to my latest “Aw, Jeez, Do I Have To?” survey of myself and my friends 96% of these suggestions are viewed by men as embarrassing, boring, or uncomfortable." *Because clearly, him and his friends, who all share the same exact interests, can speak for all men everywhere.* "Ladies, the following is inside information—a select listing of some of your most common activity suggestions, what men don’t like about them, and what we’d like to do instead

"Hiking
"Hiking is an activity many men look forward to with the same relish they take in reading Aristotle in the original Greek, receiving a prostate exam, or attending a Celine Dion concert." *Really? If we're using stereotypes, isn't this one backwards? I thought women were the ones who were supposed to hate hiking. Although he did say 'many men' instead of implying 'all men', hiking is something that anyone, regardless of gender, who is athletic would enjoy doing.* "The way we see it, nature is way overrated." *Fantastic. Thanks for recognizing that everyone relys on nature everyday for it's ability to grow food and provide us with medecine to name a few of numerous ecosystem services.* "How many flowers can you smell? How many sunsets can you ooh and ahh over? How many coyotes can you worry about being in the vicinity? Plus, there’s no access to the Internet or email. No TV sports." *Yes, because ALL men love watching sports on TV.* "Bugs everywhere. What about any of this spells fun? Unless you look at fun as the first three letters of funeral.

"You want your shot of nature? Invite us to the beach at sunset. Take a blanket and a six-pack, make out for half an hour," *Because apparently men only like beer and making out* "...then head home so we can get back to civilization. That’s enough nature to hold us for the next three months."

"Opera
"If given the choice of how to spend a Friday or Saturday night, what guy wouldn’t vote for putting on some uncomfortable formal clothing after spending a couple of hundred dollars for tickets, then another hefty chunk for parking, all to hear overly-costumed and overly-made-up folks belting out tunes that don’t have a beat and don’t rhyme, in a language only U.N. translators can understand?" *Yes, that's right. Only U.N translaters can understand multiple languages. Although, I would agree that the average American can only understand English and no other language. And there are operas that are sung in English.* "Exactly. And yet we still get the evil look from girlfriends when we try to stay awake during Madame Butterfly by playing a video game on our cell phones.

"If we must do something cultural and uplifting, at least make it ballet, where the women are in shape, wearing form-revealing clothing and moving their bodies in ways that cause us to imagine them with us in a variety of other non-dance situations." *Excuse me. Isn't a date normally with a girlfriend, or at least somebody that you're interested in? If you are trying to imagine having sexual relations with a ballet dancer, perhaps you shouldn't be on a date. But I guess since ALL men imagine having sex with ballet dancers, then we women must submit to the idea that our dates are interested in women who are most likely skinnier than us. "It ain’t Dancing With the Stars, but it sure beats counting down the seconds ’til it’s over when the fat lady sings.

"Travel
"If my extensive online-dating experience has taught me nothing else, it’s that, at least according to their dating profiles, the one thing every woman most enjoys is travelling. Yes, they all want to get out of the country and see the world, explore other cultures, become enriched and broaden their horizons." *So, now only women like to travel and study other cultures. And yet I know (and know of) many males who love the idea of traveling and want to do it.* These are all noble and worthy pursuits. Men, however, view travel slightly differently. We even spell it differently. We spell it this way: t$r$a$v$e$l. *I thought both genders worried about money. But I guess women always force men to spend money - never the other way around* "We also view it as time away from our jobs. This will virtually guarantee that not only will a huge stack of work be waiting for us upon our return (and that our bosses will find out the business runs just fine without our being there), but we’ll no doubt come down with some exotic disease and need to be treated in a culture where doctors are still playing catch-up with the wonders of Medieval medicine." *First, people travel all the time without getting sick. Second, all medecine is superstitous, inlcuding the medecine in the United States. Plus there are many, many countries that have the similar, and arguably more advanced medecine than us.*

"Got the travel bug, ladies? That’s why God created National Geographic. We’ll gladly treat you to a subscription." *Because National Geographic is like a vacation in magazine form!*

"Clothes shopping
"This is how men view clothes shopping: You get to follow your sweetie from store to store with the added bonus of holding her purse as she tries on one dress, blouse, or pair of shoes after another, while you struggle to convince her that each garment does not, in fact, make her butt look big. (Even the shoes!) Occasionally you meet the eyes of another girl’s boyfriend there against his will, and the look you give each other is as though you’re both begging, “PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY NOW!”

"You want to try on clothes? Great, we’re OK with that. Just not in the mall. And we don’t care if you try to sweeten the offer with cappuccino and doing some clothes shopping for us. Instead, here’s what we would be interested in: We’ll light candles, put on some mood music, pour some wine, and you can give us a private fashion show. Oh, sure, it won’t be nearly the same without the neon lights, price tags, and judgmental stares from other women who think we’re perverts as we wait for you to emerge from the dressing room. But it’ll be close enough for us." *This has always been a stereotype of men - not wanting to go clothes shopping. And it is more true than any other the other situations that the majority of men probably do not want to go shopping with their girlfriends. I'm okay with this, given what the article is about. But still...not ALL men*

"Relationship workshops" *What couple considers a 'relationship workshop' a date? And I've never heard of any of these seminars or workshops.*
"Naturally, we men are going to want to avoid the mistakes we made in our past relationships, and we’re not averse to keeping our current romantic relationship as perfectly tuned up as our cars. But that doesn’t mean we welcome the prospect of attending the “Enhancing Couples’ Intimacy Workshop” or “The Two of You: Closer than Ever! Seminar” to which you’re so determined to drag us. It’s bad enough our intimacy needs enhancing; must we now attempt to jump-start it in a face-to-face with other romantic losers? We’d rather get up at 5 a.m. Sunday morning to join you on a bird-watching walk." *Oh, so the way to get a man to enjoy nature is to threaten to take them to a relationship workshop?* "We’d rather get in touch with our feelings and cry about what we never got to tell our fathers. We’d rather attend a taping of Ellen.

"You want to enhance our intimacy? We’re all for it. Hold our hands, kiss us passionately, give us a massage, get naked with us—you’ll be stunned at the intensity of intimacy enhancement. In fact, let’s start right now. After all, we went hiking with you; it’s your turn to do something we enjoy. Hey, where are you going? Oh, come on, it’ll be fun! *Hmm...only men enjoy sex now, and not women. A man has to force a woman to have sex with him after she forced him to go on one of the five dates no man ever wants to go on. It can be a mutally agreed on 'activity' in which both members enjoy themselves.*

After reading this, I am afraid to see what the equivalent article about females says.

2 comments:

Scout said...

Key word "Real" men

Basho said...

Wait, but that is what ALL men are like. I know, I've seen 'em