I call this, what are things that will make you realise? Days are empty, everything is insipid and distant. When things are real, they are too real, they are overwhelming, they are devastating. It is so difficult to pull back, from pain or numb, and remember what it means to be myself.

What are things that will make you realise?

1. someone telling you "I love you", when it is someone you really want to hear that from them
2. taking a bath while looking at a book you love but don't want to read again any time soon
3. sitting on a comfortable chair that you can sink into, in a dimly lit room with steady ambient noise (fan, white noise, noise generator, anything) to block out anything but your own thoughts
4. lying on your back lost in the woods, looking up at the trees and listening to them creak; especially when it is too hot and humid, or too cold and dry, and you can sit there long enough to forget those things
5. remembering all the wonderful things, all the things that brought you here, for better or for worse; don't remember in words, look at photographs and walk through your childhood spots and smell old books that were loaned to you because then you will remember that person's faint smell and well as the pleasant odor of stale pages
6. remember the times you cried, and how things got worse but eventually things went away; especially if you can't cry right now
7. make long lists of everything you're going to need when you finally run away and nobody will know where you went; did you ever think of running away when you were a small child? what did you decide to bring? better bring it this time, too
8. think about your enemies from long ago and realise that they weren't so bad after all
9. think about your enemies from long ago and realise how wonderful things are now that you don't have to worry about them anymore
10. look at your old drawings, notebooks, read your dream journals, recipes, free verse poetry, look at the doodles you drew in your textbooks and old magazines you kept for one article you liked; be happy that you're sure these things happened
11. find all the nick-nacks and little things your friends and parents have given you to commemorate something, as a souvenir, as a way of saying, "this reminded me of you"; think about the things you've given
12. read old love letters, feel your heart flutter again
13. right now, write down anything that will remind yourself of things that will make you realise.

First blog! ..well for me that is.....

Okay, so here are some photos that i took a while back. I used photoshop on most of them.
http://dizzy-dizzy-dizzy.blogspot.com/
All my other photos are currently being kept on a computer or disk somewhere where I can't get to them at them moment. It makes me sad that my old computer is apparently broken. It sounds as though there are a thousand angry bees trying to escape from within the machine! Bees scare me, if you weren't previously aware of that fact. It was sad at SCA when all of them chose our courtyard to die in. and Sebastian killed that one with his shoe. Also, it is sad that my cell phone ran away last night... off a bridge and directly downward into a river running half way between NJ and PA. I'm working on fixing that though. It was silly of me in the first place, and what was I trying to do? take a picture! goodness gracious.
Anyway on a completely new topic, I am happy that I managed to put all of my songs onto my ipod tonight. If anything, I now at least know that all of my (what, 3?) horrible recordings are safe from the bees... As long as I stay away from bridges. We should work on recording music (or just playing it) while everyone is home for thanksgiving! It would be fun! Or maybe not so much... It's fair to say that the plan has the potential to fall in either direction. Anyway, it would be a lot easier to plan if people, (cough -Sebastian- cough) would quit blowing us off to hang out with his loser friends! Like he did ALL SUMMER!
My family returned from Canada today. It was nice to see them again. I still had to make my own dinner though. Also, today I visited a castle, drank apple cider, (and coffee) read Twilight, saw some of my friends (and some of my enemies) played my guitar, (and saw it in a movie) and learned to play bass. (kind of...)
Isabel Malone is sleeping over at my house tonight. Apparently her foot hurts or something. I really liked seeing Rachel Getting Married, though it was very emotional. Tunde has the most beautiful voice! Not to mention the COOLEST glasses ever! Oh and Anne Hathaway was decent in it too, I guess.
Nick is home from NY tonight. Everyone should prank call him.