Showing posts with label Peter O'Toole. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Peter O'Toole. Show all posts

Kipling's Nightmare

The only thing worth remembering about Zulu Dawn is in its closing minutes. A warning is issued about what comes of Colonialism and the triumphant Zulu warriors sing as they walk away from a day full of bloodshed and arrogance. The chant, an exuberant victory cry, is infectious. It hints at a culture capable of great beauty and community, which goes some way toward thwarting the film's depiction of the Zulus as violent and unknowable. The other. Even if the villains are the un-empathetic British, as represented by sweltering, loathsome Peter O'Toole, the Zulus are never more than abstract. What colonialists always fail to recognize is that once you call a land home, no force on heaven or earth can change that. The music that serves as a coda to wholesale slaughter is a haunting reminder of spiritual ownership. Natal belongs to the Zulu (as Vietnam did to the Vietnamese) just as this song could come from the mouths of any other civilization. The film falters for a number of reasons, but not giving the Zulu a point of view, or even much screen time before they start taking back the land from the hopelessly ill-prepared British is one of its biggest. It wants to sympathize with them, but that's beyond the film's limited means. It fails to realize that Cy Endfield's Zulu had already quietly done that.

Not that anything else about Zulu is quiet. From John Barry's menacing, insistent march to the sounds of crackling rifles echoing through the arid planes of Rorke's Drift, Zulu plays heavy on the ears. Until this moment in art history, white audiences will have read about the faraway corners of 'darkest Africa' in Kipling and Conrad and seen it in photographs, but never before could they hear the sound of Africa. The film that kicked off the 50s 3D boom was a jungle-bound adventure about rogue lions called Bwana Devil. Having your personal space invaded by big cats was a strong enough advertisement for the technology that it carried the idea into craze territory (that they represent Africa, barging into the American movie house, a heretofore safe, white space, must have been equal parts enticing and terrifying). Kipling would surely have approved. It turned fear into a carnival ride and a continent into a sideshow stage. The narrative was for the taking and Africa could replace the old west as the white man's new frontier. After Zulu, films like Cornel Wilde's survival horror The Naked Prey, itself based on a tale originally concerning Blackfoot Native Americans, become possible (Imagine studios allowing that to be shot in 3D). If Zulu Dawn is the ugly, artless antithesis of the idea of Africa as a white man's sandbox (it almost feels like Italian exploitation, with its aimless miserabilism and grey direction), Zulu is a compromise, trying to respect both sides of an intractable conflict, trying to understand a whole host of national mindsets. Besides the Zulu warriors whose chief subscribes to notions of pride and fair play, there are Swedish missionaries, the wounded swiss corporal in the Natal Native Contingent, the Boer advisor who helps the British understand their Zulu enemies, and the Welsh and English men who make up the regiment. The Welsh look down on the Swiss and the English, who piss right back at the Welsh. And among the whites only the Boer considers the Zulus smart enough to be the formidable adversary they are. The Boer officer seems to understand that his hatreds are out of his hands, making him the most stubborn party. The missionaries are meant to be the voice of reason, of conscientiousness. They're dismissed not long after the fighting starts. There is no place for reason at Rorke's Drift, which quickly becomes host to a cacophonous din of violence and disarray. 


Which may account for a Swedish man of god being played by English man of drink Jack Hawkins. Hired no doubt because of the chapped velvet tenor of his voice, Hawkins begins calm but shaky, whispering to daughter Ulla Jacopson of the Zulu: "They are a great people," completely unaware that he's giving everyone the benefit of a doubt they haven't asked for. As he slowly realizes that neither the English nor the Africans will relent, he shouts into the howling wind, growing more desperate and drunk by the moment. The other voice of dissent comes from cock-eyed surgeon Patrick Magee, who takes particular glee in dressing down his charges. War is a disgusting business and he sees the officers as pigs splashing around in the muck of human failure. His slithering diction has stayed with me since childhood "Damn you Chard! And all you butchers!" his Northern Irish brogue drying out his 'R's and elongating his 'U's. Their voices together share the same qualities as the soil, as obverses Welsh private Thomas, "No moisture in it, nothing to hold a man in his grave." No surprise that their words aren't heeded. Thomas and private Owen (Neil McCarthy and Ivor Emmanuel) are the leaders of the soldiers' choir, and their dulcet harmonies stand in sharpest contrast to the sounds of war. They will be called upon to lead the men in song in defiance of the Zulu's war chant just as the light of a new day hits the combatants. The irony is that it'd take a true lack of imagination to prefer the Welsh song to that of the Zulu. 



That sound, that beautiful chanting, will likely stay with most viewers after every other detail has faded. It sounds like nothing else on earth, though the band TV On The Radio, keen-eared students of African music, have come close to achieving the peculiar tumbling whirlwind of voices. There is real power in these men coming in contact with this music, aware that the sound will be thrice as frightening to men who have no point of reference for melodies like this. It sounds alien to us because we hear it as they would. Endfield presents the incantations of the Zulus as possessing an otherworldly power, a sign of awed respect. In its opening moments we get the full majesty of Barry's score, which gives way to a familiar English (though technically Welsh) speaker: Richard Burton, patron saint of the theatre. With perfect diction and that irresistible, tightly coiled voice he informs us of the outcome of the battle of Isandlwana but he's drowned out by the sound of the aftermath. Then the Zulu singing overwhelms even that. Their song is the spirit of Natal itself and it hides in the hills. Jacobson will lose herself listening to it, completely unprepared for the overwhelming power and earthy sensuous it has. It represents a break from every myth she was told growing up with a priest for a dad. Their percussion, a ghostly rattling of spears against shields will announce the Zulu's approach before their astonishing first appearance, coating most of the skyline with their impressive numbers. A display that would shake any colonial dreamer to his core. It's the sound of the land saying "no". Kipling was in South Africa during the Boer War and wrote Poetry in favor of the Brits. Oh to have placed him within earshot of the rattling and singing. The warriors are coded with the same menace as the giant ants of THEM! or the distant drummers of I Walked With A Zombie and they are suitably terrifying when they first appear rattling their weapons up close like a thousand intruders knocking on the door. Endfield's respect for their intimidation tactics is palpable. The song starts next, one man leading and the rest responding in shocking rapidity. Their voices cut through the air like a hatchet. That they're just a decoy is all part of the plan. 




"I rather fancy that he's nobody's son and heir now." There is no honor in dying in Zulu, just as in reality many of those involved never benefited from being given the Victoria Cross. In perhaps the cruelest instance the swiss Corporal Ferdinand Schiess in reality died on a barge back from South Africa after this incident and was buried at sea. The film needs to hold onto a modicum of romance and so spares us the worst of the tragedy of Rorke's Drift without losing the big picture. The British who have second thoughts about fighting, like the buffoonish cook, are killed first. It's still a fairly vicious worldview, but if you play with fire you can't drop the match on the rug. Never underestimate your opponent. That's the movie's overwhelming theme. The constant refrain, with some variation, "We'll make an Englishmen of you yet." Once the British stop trying to pretend they can change anyone's mind, and stop using that phrase, they fare much better. Its final use, in a raid on the sickbay so tense that it still makes me hold my breath, erases any lingering sense of pride in the uniform or the crown. The Zulu are too fiercesome to be cowed, to be converted. All these men can do is respect their might. Ditto Lieutenants Chard (Stanley Baker, his deep set eyes borrowed from some bird of prey) and Bromhead ("Introducing Michael Caine," fully formed), who start at loggerheads trying to determine who should lead the defenses. Chard resents Bromhead's privelege (Caine runs perfectly, as if swaddled in bearer bonds as a child instead of blankets), Bromhead Chard's brusqueness. They drop their pretenses and prejudices when the shooting starts. What the British have to do is find their own harmony to sing in. It isn't the singing of the early dawn choir that saves them, it's the shouting of Bromhead and Chard signaling the synchronized firing of their men, a strategy that undoubtedly saves their lives. Caine and Baker's voices propel through the sound of the zulu chanting to announce the next volley of gunfire. "Front Rank! Fire!" "Free rank! Fire!" "Fire." Caine's phlegmy howl and Baker's hoarse two-tone, wildly different war cries, working in time with the sound of gunfire. It's only this song that forces the chief of the Zulu to stop underestimating the small contingent of men who stood up to him. His reply is one final song of salutation, a sign of respect. And that in the end is all anyone in Endfield's world seeks. Endfield withholds judgment on these men until the final minutes, just like the chief. Their pettiness and pride will cost lives, perhaps their own. Endfield finds them at their lowest, too tired to indulge in their worst habits, framed in a burnt-down hospital in a composition that outstrips the best of The Searchers. They're awaiting what their enemy will do next, unable to give themselves credit for what they've accomplished. It is only here that they can be rewarded, when they're incapable of considering such an outcome. This is why Zulu endears. It rewards selflessness, cooperation and respect above patriotism. The sound of men trusting each other to survive rings in your ears. The rest is just noise. 

The '68 Comeback Special: Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush

Here it is. The worst film of the '68 Cannes Film Festival. David Cairns, gallantly undertaking the challenge with me, knew this day would come. Wisely, he challenged me to a game of logic in order to see which of us would have to review it. Naturally I accepted and on the day some men in a van pulled up and threw a canvas bag over my head. They drove me around the Bucks County area for several hours blasting Neil Diamond at a deafening volume until I relented and agreed that anything would be better than that. What I failed to see was that the real test David had set for me was not to show up at all. Clever bastard. He always has the endgame in sight. So with a heavy heart, I returned once more to Clive Donner's Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush. 



To the strains of one of the very worst movie theme songs (an already ignominious category) ever composed, by "Stevie Winwood and Traffic" a boy rides around on a bike, but he's quickly replaced with poorly solarized scenes of grabbed asses and skin and horrid fabric rubbing against one another like blind rhinoceros. Stevie would become Steve as a way to distance himself from the crime he helped commit.  Clive Donner wasn't so lucky. He had his name on a proto-Director's Guild roster, preventing him from making pictures in Chile under the assumed name Carlos Tegulchipec-Whizzington. He tried but they stopped him at the airport and sent him home to think about what he'd done. He tried again three hours later and they handcuffed him to a radiator. Not his radiator, mind you. This is all information I've culled from the very helpful, entirely fictitious making-of book Don't Carry On, Clive by Ted Rumsfjord, former columnist for the Lancashire Nooner until his dismissal for having written the book and thus having something, anything to do with the movie Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush. Everyone who came near it suffered or had to do backflips to avoid suffering. As it should be. The film is ghastly, a candy-coloured rubbing of our collective nose in the sticky awful of England's rampaging teenaged id. It's no less horrible an experience than sleeping in a porn-happy 16 year old's bed after he's been instructed not to change his sheets for eight months. You there yet? It's like sitting in a girl's dorm toilet, unable to move or speak, while listening to the sound of the boy's dorm on headphones. I could go on. It's a film that feels like the Dorian Gray of the Swinging Sixties London. Every face looks like battered fish before it touches the scalding hot oil that will render it delicious. Every song has none of the edgy beauty brought by wonderful cads like Jimmy Page, David Gilmour or Keith Moon. The Spencer Davis Group is not The Yardbirds. They aren't even The Strawberry Alarm Clock. And Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush is no The Knack...and How To Get It.

From chapter 4, Rumsfjord writes: On set Donner receives script pages from a messenger boy on a bike. The boy doffs his cap revealing two glowing horns. The boy's laughter as he rides off, an echoing husk far deeper than the boy's years suggest him capable of, will haunt Donner anytime the producer suggests an extra bottom make it into the shot. Donner reads the pages during a lunch of Gin & Vermouth. Star Barry Evans knocks on the door. Some of the locals had learned what they were up to and chased him up a tree like a cat. Director of Photography Alex Thomson is dispatched to bring him down. Evans would like it greatly if they moved to a safer location. No good, replies Donner, as they've recieved threatening letters from every town for miles. The people of Battersea sent a very vicious missive threatening to sacrifice Vanessa Howard by encasing her in bronze. Just the same Evans insists on changing hotel rooms every night under different names and won't leave Donner's trailer until he agrees. Shooting commences. Production Manager Basil Keys is revealed to be Andreas Baader in disguise and the police are called, but he's gone before they arrive. There's a scuffle when Mike Sarne and his crew ride through town on their way to film Joanna. Donner and Sarne taunt each other from across the town square. The art directors of both films begin throwing punches. Evans hears of the fight  and the budget increases as he demands a series of fake mustaches to be brought to his hotel room every morning for his selection. 

"Screenplay by Hunter Davies, from his novel." What hubris! What gall! He just came right out and took credit for it like it was no big deal! When the authorities came to his door following the London premiere he'd fled to Denmark in a baker's truck. When the truckdriver discovered him, he forced Davies to sit in the dough and be baked along with the bread like Cornel Wilde's benefactor in The Naked Prey. He survived, just barely. He still lives and breathes and puts pen to paper while Dickens, Fitzgerald and Westlake lay dead in the ground, unable to write another word. No less an authority of stuff than John Lennon took a break from shooting rapidfire Heroin and being an asshole to slag off Davies work. One of the first things we hear main person (words like 'actor', 'hero', 'protagonist' just don't seem right under the circumstances) say is "Knickers! I'm knicker-obsessed!" Projectionists across the United Kingdom begin kicking their instruments when they hear that phrase but alas some prints remain intact and play to the end. If you're watching at home in the present and haven't fled to the next room to call your sponsor, you've fixed yourself a tall drink. Whether or not you choose to watch the remaining 90 minutes is a question you and whiskey need to seriously ponder. I went ahead. After several minutes of Barry Evans riding around on his bicycle pontificating like a horrible fucker, I wondered if the whole film took place here on a basketed-tenspeed not unlike that Speed-themed episode of Father Ted. Alas. He gets off the bike and starts hitting on women, real and imagined. I wish desperately a bus had hospitalized him and the rest of the film was in his unconscious, sort of like The Singing Detective. Ha! HAH! Fate laughs in my face as they parade one warmed over type after another, including poor Denholm Elliott (Like Donner, he's long deceased. Coincidence? Who can say...), Judy Geeson, and Adrienne Posta as a cockney version of Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi from The Jersey Shore. If you're not terrified, you're not paying attention. People lived in fear for years that they'd enter a cinema and the reels would have been switched at random by members of the Red Army Faction and they'd have to watch even the opening seconds of this dire sex farce. The word 'farce' obviously implies that all the door slamming and creeping around in a big house trying to place the right dick in the correct hole during one of the film's many lowpoints is successful. It isn't. You should be deeply ashamed if you thought it was. 

I could continue, give you a play by play of every horrid looking thing Evans eats, every woman who refuses to sleep with him, accompanied by constipated reaction shots and sad trombone, I could trot out the much contested Clive Donner is Hitler argument favoured by many. Clive Donner wasn't Hitler. Of course not. That would be ridiculous. There's proof he could point to but he still felt the need to make a film about how great and heroic a job killing The Fuhrer was just so that during the junket no one could look at the director and say "This film must have been difficult to make, what with you're BEING...Oh, I see...but explain Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush?" He must have heard those words six or seven dozen times throughout the 70s. Mobs of reformed Teddy Boys used to chase him around Salford, newly galvanized into picking up their old hooligan ways by the film, taunting him while waving sharpened canes and umbrellas. "Fink you can get away wivvat Richard Lester pastiche? We'll show you!" I could go on and on and on and on and on...but it's Christmas. Or rather, Boxing Day. So let's take a different path, shall we readers? Let's remember that cinema is a gift, a magical, mystical enchantment capable of curing every malady from a frown to disease (I am legally compelled to point out, yet again, that I'm not a doctor) and just because we're given coal shaped like Mulberry Bush doesn't mean we can't overcome, like the Whos of Whoville. I do think Donner deserves to be remembered for better things. That Hitler movie? It's called Rogue Male and it's really rather good. It's got Peter O'Toole, a performance to be prized in a movie that does deserve it. Lord know he often settled for less but Donner earned the right to put my favourite actor in his film.  So this Boxing Day, don't remember that time your one aunt got so drink she got herself uninvited from future gatherings, remember when you thought everything in the world was under the Christmas tree, including the scripts for those George C. Scott-Dickens adaptations. We take the good with the bad and forget about Vampira, The Nude Bomb, Charlie Chan and the Curse of the Dragon Queen and instead remember that we kinda laughed at What's New Pussycat? Didn't we? Merry Christmas and Box bless us everyone.